So, this morning, like many days in the past 6 months, Parker decided he wanted to stay home.

In the past I have fought him on this...after all, he is only 6.

This week I decided to start to seriously consider homeschooling...seriously.

We picked the best, most holistic, laid back school we could find (the kindergarteners drink herbal tea and have hand and foot rubs before naptime everyday...Seriously!)...we were looking for the next best thing to homeschooling and we actually found it in the Calgary Waldorf School...but it just isn't right for Parker.

I know. Everyone keeps telling me that it is a rite of passge, school, and that he needs to go so he can learn social skills and how to function in the world. But...The thing is, he functions great in the world. He makes friends really easily - just not at school.

What takes him forever to do at school (and becomes a long drawn out, negative process) takes 15 minutes at home...no fuss, no muss. When we play with friends he is calm, happy, well-behaved...from what one of his teachers was saying, he is socially "awkward" and doesn't understand social cues.

How can a kid be happy, funtional and well-liked at home and in his own social circle, but struggle so much in Kindergarten?

It all seems seriously strange to me...and SO not worth what we have been paying to send him there.

We applied to a local Charter school and will hear next week if he has been accepted...but, to be honest, I think we have made up our minds.

I think we're homeschooling...seriously.

Heaven help me.

Heartbroken anguish

Ok, so I am PMSing, just a little, but I think I would be nearly as upset at any other time...

There has always been something about Smooch. Something intangible. Something I could never identify or put into words.

When he was a baby I constantly thought he would stop breathing in his sleep. As a toddler, he was fearless and I worried that he'd run out into traffic. I was over protective and coddling...I get that.

In the past 16 months, there have been three occasions when he was so ill I didn't know if he would make it through the night. I sat beside him, in anguish, heartbroken.

Smooch has always been "That Kid".

He also developed language at an inordinately early age. He said odd things that were so profoud...just a little glimpse at the complicated innerworkings of his little mind. I knew he was different. I tried to quash the feeling of anxiety that I could feel, burgeoning in my heart.

I agonized over the choice to send him to school. The protective Mama-bear inside me screamed with worry when we sent him to kindergarten. I knew he would be mis-understood, likely labelled. I knew that it would take someone who truly cares for him, to create an atmosphere of warm calm, to gently encourage him.

One of Smooch's teachers is that person. Ms. Vivian is warm. When I see her with Smooch, I know he is in kind, gentle hands. I know she "sees" him, his gentle, exceptional nature. I trust her.

I wish I could say the same for his other teacher (One is for morning, one for afternoon), but I cannot.

From day one I could feel her judgement and annoyance with Smooch. There is no amount of forced smiling that covers those negative emotions. Yet, when we sat down for "parent-teacher conversations" and expressed that we did not think the school was the right place for him, she brushed off our concerns.

The kicker is that I had her fill out an evaluation for Smooch, as we are having him assessed. The evaluation was so different from any of the others that were filled out for him...painting him as a defiant, socially awkward and average. I am disgusted that I allowed someone, with such a negative view of my child, spend so much time with him...and paid her to do it.

She does not know that Smooch's VIQ has been assessed in the 94th percentile. She does not know that his OIQ is in the high 80th percentile. She sees him as average, with an active imagination.

Had she been honest with me, I would have pulled him out of the school. Now, we are on the hook financially until June for a program I feel does not inspire and motivate him, or serve his best interests.

My mind is SCREAMING to pull him out. If I had my druthers about me, I would write a letter, right now, to the principal of his school. However, I am so emotiontioal that I can hardly stop crying for long enough to speak, and know that I would have to discuss this with her.

I am so torn and so sad...I have no idea what to do.


*UPDATE*

We have received the other questionairre from Smooch's morning class and are happy to say it is much more positive and represents the Smooch WE see and know.

I am feeling much calmer and more hopeful. Stay tuned.

Crappy Parents

I can scarcely believe that it is nearly November.

Smooch has been in school now for two months...he is so happy there. I, on the other hand, am struggling.

I have worked hard to keep Smooch innocent.

I've avoided using sarcasm with him and, anyone who knows me well knows how difficult this is for me.

Alan and I have practiced manners with the boys, tried to keep them from being innundated with commercial messages, encouraged them to talk about their feelings, to be kind and loving.

It's at this point that I must complain, just a little.

A message to SOME parents of Kinder-garten and Grade One children; Your kids are mean. Cynicism, sarcasm and eye-rolling in a 5-7 year old is NOT attractive. Bullying is even less so. It is a token of your parenting that your children are unkind and rude. Pull up your socks and parent.

There...I said it...and I meant it. I just want to add that there are plenty of wonderful families at Smooch's school.

Other than that, we are all enjoying the Waldorf school, especially me...I have learned to knit, under taken a large volunteer project and met some amazing Moms!

Nature Table

The last few weeks we have been working on our nature table.

We hand-dyed some nice wooden candle-holders and went for a nature-walk or two...adding interesting things we found...

This week we encountered a friendly squirrel, under a large Spruce and Smooch had the presence of mind to toss him an unchewed spruce cone... We could almost see the look of surprise on his face as he glanced back and forth between the cone and Smooch...finally grabbing it and scampering up the tree to have a bite to eat.

We gathered spruce cones, a lonely dandilion and a few twigs, swatted mosquitoes, played in the park with a group of children and eventually made our way home for a snack and to sketch what we found.

Waldorf Education

The last few months have seen me agonizing over the issue of Smooch's fall school plans.

French immersion?

Montessouri?

Spanish??

Charming Buddhist "Instilling Goodness" school adjacent to the monestary (we are not buddhists...but there is something so nice about them...no?)?

Half-day, full-day, 4-day, everyday....

The options were endless...but the choice seemed impossible...until...

I was reminded of an amazing preschool I attempted to register Smooch in but never quite made it.

We spent countless hours digging in their GIGANTIC sandbox...exploring their vegetable garden and flying a kite on their field...

It was our local Waldorf school.

As soon as I thought about Smooch attending this school I KNEW. Immediately I emailed the school...only to find out they'd just filled the last spot. I asked to be placed on the waiting list, took in the application and then arrived home to work some Manifestative Magic....

I wrote on a piece of paper "Smooch is a Waldorf Student".

I put the paper up in a prominent place in our home, where I saw it several times a day.

I gently harrassed the kind woman in charge of admitting and within two weeks we had an interview with Ms. Vivian...the lovely, soft-spoken teacher of the Senior kindergarten Class!

After the interview, she offered Smooch a spot in her class!!

I have been at peace about it ever since.

More on this fabulous pedagogy to come....

Schooling

I have been avoiding this issue.

Smooch is 5.5 in September and I've delayed sending him to school as long as I can.

I've been avoiding making the decision because I KNOW what he needs. I KNOW what is best for him. I KNOW the best-case scenario.

Preschool was easy. He went and liked it, for the most part. When he became ill with Kawasaki Disease last fall, it was no biggie for me to pull him out to recuperate. No, the problem came later, when I realised how much I enjoy having him at home.

You may well ask why this came as a surprise to me.

At age three he was a complete monster. There was not a child-lock that could contain him. He routinely locked me in his room or out of the house. I could not have a shower in the morning, or while alone at home, for fear that he would 1.) Make scrambled eggs on the kitchen tile, 2.) pump half a bottle of alcohol-based hand-sanitizer down his gullet or 3.) find a razor-sharp kitchen knife with which to slice a tomato.

Oh, and he didn't sleep...ever.

Having him in preschool 4 full days a week was like a new lease on life for me. I spent time with Noggin, uninturrupted. I peed, or even showered without fearing a scene from CSI awaited me outside the bathroom door. I napped. I cooked. I had a hair cut.

Keeping Smooch home to get well came out of neccesity. He had two confirmed cases of Kawasaki Disease. Now, one case is rare. Two cases in a child older than 3 is nearly unheard of.

Now he is well. His coronary arteries are back within normal. The fliud in his pericardium is gone. He is no longer on blood thinners. No peeling fingers. He is well.

Over the past 6 months, he has transformed before my eyes. Before he was impossibly impulsive, now he is spontanious and thoughtful. Where before he was stubborn and resistant to changes, now he is eager and flexible. Every day he says something new that astounds and humbles me. I look at him and realise how amazing and engaged and happy he is with life and learning.

There is absolutely no reason for me to not send him to school in September...except I know conventional education is all wrong for him. I need the perfect school...I just have no idea what that is.

Update to follow...I hope.