Hope

So, we are sick over here...Liam was up all night coughing Saturday night...I woke Sunday with the beginnings of a cold and Alan and P are sniffling...we are out of coryzalia and I am a little cranky...the only thing keeping me going this morning is looking outside at the beautiful sunrise!

Recently my thoughts have turned to a choice we all have. To look at life positively and with hope, or to choose not to see all he good things in life and fall into despair. I know despair is a strong word...it was the best description of the lack of hope that I could find.

I chatted with someone yesterday who seems to have lost all hope for her life. No matter how many positive things I said or how often I reminded her of her blessings, she turned it around and made it a negative thing. I left the conversation feeling so uneasy and unhappy for her. It was clear that she was missing a fundamental part of her psyche... it unnerved me.

My life has not always been easy. I have struggled and lived through things I hope to never experience again... but I have never been devoid of hope.

I try and find joy in the small things in life; my children and their funny senses of humour, the kindness of my husband, laughter with good friends, sprouting seeds, the sun shining and reminding me that today is a new day, with a fresh start.

What keeps you going? What brings you joy??

What are you grateful for today?

More gardening

So, I know there is 25 cm of snow outside. I tried to will it away today, but it hasn't worked... so far! I am in a full 'start your seeds indoors', gardening frenzy.

We have planted 5 different varieties of tomatoes, including these, called "Golden Queen":

We also planted scarlett runner beans...thay have taken off in such a big way that we will need to set up a trellis indoors and slowly take them out on warm days to harden them off.

We planted purple carrots:

Sevreal different varieties of Coleus

And beets of course...

Now...if this snow would all melt, we'd be a good shape to start!!!

COME SPRING!!!

Taste of my own medicine

I have to make a confession; I rarely have a massage.

I know. It is ironic... especially considering that I am a massage therapist and am constantly counselling people on self care.

I went, today, for a massage. I found a clinic that provides childcare.

It was excruciating. Seriously... my rhomboids are so tender right now that the soft, well-padded couch hurts.

I am a wimp. I hate painful massages and I try to never inflict pain on people. I try to coax muscles into relaxation... never force them.

The lovely, well-intentioned girl that massaged me today seemed to hit every tender spot I have (and there are a lot of them)... on those that are particularly tender she used her thumbs and knuckles.

Why can't I find a massage therapist that's gentle? One that gently coaxes my muscles into giving in? One that uses heat and stretching and repetition?

In short...why can't I find me?

I know that I sound completely self-absorbed right now...but it is a known fact that most massage therapists massage the way that they like to be massaged.

I just want to be massaged to sleep and wake up loose and refreshed...is that too much to ask??

Anyone have a great therapist they want to share?

So, this morning, like many days in the past 6 months, Parker decided he wanted to stay home.

In the past I have fought him on this...after all, he is only 6.

This week I decided to start to seriously consider homeschooling...seriously.

We picked the best, most holistic, laid back school we could find (the kindergarteners drink herbal tea and have hand and foot rubs before naptime everyday...Seriously!)...we were looking for the next best thing to homeschooling and we actually found it in the Calgary Waldorf School...but it just isn't right for Parker.

I know. Everyone keeps telling me that it is a rite of passge, school, and that he needs to go so he can learn social skills and how to function in the world. But...The thing is, he functions great in the world. He makes friends really easily - just not at school.

What takes him forever to do at school (and becomes a long drawn out, negative process) takes 15 minutes at home...no fuss, no muss. When we play with friends he is calm, happy, well-behaved...from what one of his teachers was saying, he is socially "awkward" and doesn't understand social cues.

How can a kid be happy, funtional and well-liked at home and in his own social circle, but struggle so much in Kindergarten?

It all seems seriously strange to me...and SO not worth what we have been paying to send him there.

We applied to a local Charter school and will hear next week if he has been accepted...but, to be honest, I think we have made up our minds.

I think we're homeschooling...seriously.

Heaven help me.

The Weekend to End Breast Cancer

So, Smooch decided yesterday to walk in the Kid's K! We signed him up and sent out an invitation to his Facebook group.

In less than 12 hours he received more than $170 in donations!

When I showed him this morning...he fainted (I am not the only Drama Queen in our family) and then started planning how he was going to make even more money for the Kid'sK.

So far he has decided to put a banner up on a local pedestrian overpass and find a corporate sponsor!!

Will keep you updated!

http://www.endcancer.ca/site/TR?px=2913154&fr_id=1327&pg=personal

Laughing gas

Ok, have I ever told you how much I LOVE laughing gas??

I LOVE it...seriously...I wish I could get one of those big tanks for personal use (like when I need to take the edge off because the boys painted each other's faces with sharpie markers...true story, I swear).

I became intimately aquainted with Nitrous Oxide during the 31 hour labour and delivery of Smooch. We were happily reunited during the much shorter L&D of Noggin.

Well, today I watched Smooch giggle his way through several dental proceedures.

After choosing a grape flavoured "elephant nose" and slowly allowing the nose to be lowered on his nose he proceeded to give us the thumbs up...about 2 dozen times in half an hour...all the while, giggling about the strangest things. I giggled because he gigled and it was a really nice trip to the dentist...very entertaining.

I highly recommend Dr. Kari Stein ... her team works like a well-oiled machine, she does not do unneccesary proceedures (she actually billed us $200 less than her projected amount because once she got in, things looked better than she thought!) and she is fun and caring.

Different kind of Baby Blues

I want to have another baby. There. I've said it.

I know it sounds crazy, especially given my recent rambling and ranting on the challenges surrounding Smooch.

Alan is completely against it. He thinks I am crazy for even considering it.

He thinks: we have two kids out of diapers, one trained through the night and both can dress and feed themselves...why add another 3+ years of poo/sleepless nights/baby stuff/expense when we are finally moving out of that stage.

All I can think is that I know I will regret it forever if I don't.

I will be 35 in June and think that if I want to do this again, it needs to be soon.

Soo.....how do you feel with your current number of children? Any little nagging thoughts of more? Is your partner satisfied with the amount you have??

Be my devil's advocate.

Grandmas & Grandpas

So, my Dad and his wife are currently living a zillion miles away. The country they are living in as expats is called Qatar. It is in the middle East, a peninsula off the coast of Saudi Arabia. They called thismorning to wish noggin a happy 4th birthday. He will actually be 4 on Saturday, but my Dad has developed wanderlust and cannot last more than a few weeks before wandering off to another country for a few days. My Step-mom, Kathy was telling Smooch all about how well camels smile and afterward sent us some magnificent pictures of their trips to Thailand and Egypt last year. I thought I would post afew...here they are:

Spring Fever

Ok...so, how about a little sunshine in view of my recently gloomy rantings and ramblings?

I am DYING for green grass. The paperwhites on my windowsill have grown and blossomed (Alan couldn't stand the smell so he cut all the blooms off...lol), the boys planted tiny patches of green grass, I have been sprouting alfalfa.

IT ISN'T ENOUGH!!

I am itching to visit sunnyside and plan my garden for this year.

Last year we planted a few new things that I absolutely LOVED. Purple Morning Glories, Scarlett Runner Beans and purple potatoes. While our harvest was less than bountiful, the boys enjoyed watching everything grow and loved picking beans off the vine and digging out the potatoes at year end.

This year I think we will double up and plant twice as many seeds. We have chain link fencing and it makes the perfect trellis for climbing plants and veggies.

A personal favorite that I think we will plant this year are sweet peas. I purchased a packet of a beautiful varigated multi-coloured variety and am just waiting for the Mother's Day weekend to plant them.

So...do you garden? Veggies, flowers or both? What are YOUR favourites? Any hints you want to share? Are you dying to get your hands dirty?

I think we will take a little drive to sunnyside, just for a green fix.

Dealing

So, I am dealing. I am not as emotional or upset about this whole thing. My husband called the school and spoke to the pedagological administrator and expressed our concerns. She spoke to the teacher and the teacher will be calling tonight to "clarify".

I have joined a great homeschooling group here in Calgary and hope to make a decision in the next few weeks about Smooch's fall school plans.

At this point, I have no idea.

Apparently Smooch has something called "Asynchronous Development". He has what looks like Sensory Integration disorder and is gifted and the combination of the two are very challenging.

Just thinking about what this means for him over the next 12-15 years and possibly throught his life, well...it exhausts me.

I am overwhelmed, anxious, mad, impatient and likely boring you with all this ranting and raving...I have no idea what this all means for Smooch...for our family and how to help him.

I feel stuck.